Eight Long

I found a pair of 8's stashed in my closet. I'm not sure how long those pants have been at the bottom of a heaping pile of jeans I never wear. Nor do I know when I purchased the things. Probably sometime between baby number one and baby number two.

I hold them up, analyzing a bit. "What the hell, I'll give'm a go!"

I check the size again before stepping in. The words, "please, please, please" repeating in my head.

8L - 8 Long

I step in and would you believe it, they're a little BIG.

I Love You GAP!

Thanks for running your sizes a little larger to make us all feel better. You must do this because there is no way I am a little small for an 8.

But I'm happy anyway.

Sayonara Numbness

A quick update ~

The numbness above my lip is gone. Yay! It was 24-7 for about two and a half days. When I called the neuro's office the other morning to tell her about it still being there, she transfered me to the appointment desk. I told them why I was calling and who I spoke to about it and that I needed to schedule an appointment with a Nurse Practitioner.

"April 8th is our first available appointment with a NP" she said.

"No thanks!" I said.

Really, what's the point!? Luckily, it went away and all my other symptoms seem to be tapering off too.

But...

Now I have a cold. If I've said this before, I'm sorry. But, I think it's unfair that I should have to suffer through a cold too. I think those suffering from severe illness, disease, whatever, should be exempt from all other common illnesses. PERIOD!

I'm Back....

I called my neuro yesterday and spoke with Nurse Mary. She's cool, she always ask's "What do you like to do for fun?". The first two times she caught me off guard and I said boring things like reading and shopping. Next time I see her, I'll be ready! I'm thinking... sky diving and naked surfing.

Anyway, I called to tell them that I don't know the "rules" to follow when it comes to symptoms, flare-ups, whatever. Do I call? Do I not call? Do I wait until it's debilitating or extrememly painful or annoying to call?

She told me that they definitely want to know about these kinds of things (like the now 60 hours straight of numbess on my face), and if it's still there in the morning (this morning) then I would need to call back and come in.

I'm stalling.

MS is Really Starting to Piss me Off

Today has been one of those day's, ya know! A day when everything else wins and your willpower, strength, and determination, is no match for the bullshit in your life.

I'm not here asking for a pity party, or even to say that my kick ass attitude is no more. It's just another one of those "I am Human" posts that after I've completed it I feel so much stronger. It's sort of like talking to a shrink. They listen, don't talk back much (other than the occasional question) and in the end, you feel like a thousand pounds have been lifted off your shoulder.

Thank you blog. For being so therapeutic for me.

Today, I have written in my MS Journal more than I have all year. Tons of new symptoms, weird ones. The reality hit me today. Until today I thought, "I'll just ride out the rest of my life with Mr. MS on my shoulder. He's not very bothersome, other than the occasional migraine and stabbing pains in my feet, I can handle him. He'll remain dormant for most of my life, only causing trouble here and there, and I can handle that."

Today I thought, "Fuck! Am I going to be one of those people? One of the MS'ers who's symptoms are actually visible to the public. Someone who can't manage on their own." Ugh! It sucks to be in a funk but it happens.

Hello funk! How are you?..... Really? Well, beat it!!!

I'll be calling my neuro tomorrow if I wake up for a second morning with numbness on my face. Nice right? That's a new one. The other day I also had a feeling on my right shoulder that felt like someone had shoved me. Then that shoulder went numb, only lasting a few minutes but still enough to notice and make note of. I've also had tingling on the bottoms of both feet, and a static feeling moving all over my thighs (front and back) and on my butt.

That's 4. FOUR! Four new things written in my journal between the 19th and now.

Ahhhhh....I am done venting. My honey brought home some chocolate and merlot which is not good for the body but it's going to do wonders for my mind and my soul. Thank you baby.

Happy Friday - Pictures Edition

Have a Great Weekend!

Have You Heard of It?

It's called Malignant Multiple Sclerosis.

I didn't know anything about it until a fellow MS'er, and someone who I like to call a friend, told me that this is her diagnosis. Malignant. Multiple. Sclerosis.

I had no idea that this form of MS existed. And I had no idea that a person with MS could hear the word's "Actively Dying". Can you believe that! Kelly, my friend, was told that she has one year to live and that she is actively dying. Now let's be real here for a minute. Aren't we all actively dying? I mean, from the day we're born, we're one minute closer to death. That's just how it is.

When I read these words, I was sickened. Why didn't I know this? Why didn't I know that this was a possible form of my disease. Although rare, it is still out there. Still a small chance, percentage, possibility, that she, could be me. But right now, it's not. It's her, and plain and simple, it fuckin' sucks! She is 31. She has 4 children and a loving husband and she has been told to pretty much make the most of it. I know her from the wonderful world-wide-web, never met, never spoke, but I feel an attachment to her. Maybe it's just a bond that many of us share with those who are suffering through some of the same quirks life brings our way.

I asked her permission to speak about her situation and those words, "Actively Dying". I can't get them out of my head. I wanted to let all of you know, that this disease can be deadly. As blunt as that sounds, it's the truth. Did you know? I don't know the facts of Malignant Multiple Sclerosis and I'm not going to pretend like I do.

I talked to my husband about it the other night...

"I want to talk about it on my blog. I can't believe I didn't know about this, why didn't I know? Did you know? (Of course he didn't know.) I want people to know about this. I want them to know that it's not just that people with MS will most likely live a more difficult life, but lucky for them, they'll still live. Unlike other diseases, but that's not necessarily true. Does that make sense? Anyway, I'm upset at the lack of....media coverage there is for a cure for MS. Yes I am more concern now because I actually have it but can you blame me? I mean, how many people actually donate to a cause without knowing SOMEONE dealing with that particular cause. I can't name a person. That's neither here nor there but I want to post something just so people know. Hey! It's out there! Be aware! Am I making any sense?"

That's pretty much how the convo went, he didn't get a word in edge-wise. I have all my greatest thoughts at night. He was nodding off and I went on the rampage. Bitching about the lack of knowledge of what Multiple Sclerosis actually is and what it can actually turn out to be.

I HAVE IT - and I didn't even know. That speaks volumes.

Share what you know with others. Let's find a cure.

Malignant Multiple Sclerosis, also known as Marburg Variant Multiple Sclerosis, is a particularly aggressive form of the disease. Thankfully very rare, this highly aggressive form is defined by its swift and relentless decline to significant disability or even death, often within a few weeks or months after the onset of the initial attack.

Mishap

"We had a mishap with
the aircraft. I'm ok." - My Husband


"I don't think 'mishap' is an appropriate
descriptive word for anything involving a helicopter."
- Me


That is the text message I received (and sent) Wednesday afternoon. One that I have received twice before. I HATE text messages like that.

For those who don't know, my husband is a Pilot, a damn good one too! And incidents like this are just a part of his job. And sadly, they're a part of my thoughts almost daily. The reality of being a Military Wife - you discuss death, some more frequently than others.

The Hubs and I have openly talked about what I would do if he should pass. Just the other day I mentioned a cemetary that I thought was lovely (as odd as that sounds), and I asked him what he thought of it. He said, "Who cares where I'm buried, I'll be dead!" "But what do you think?", I said. "Good", he said.


"I don't care where you put me. You can put me in the garage if you want", he said.

"Maybe I can staple gun you to the wall in a scarecrow position", I said.

This is the kind of sick humor we have. We mesh well. But in all honesty, you'll go insane if every second of your life was consumed with your, or your spouses, possible death.

"I'll tell you about it when

I get home. 143!" - My Husband

"I love you too! Be careful." - Me