I was MIA last week because I was busy realizing something about myself. Or maybe not realizing but accepting, acknowledging, and fixing, something about myself. I've been debating for the last week about whether or not this was something I wanted to share with the virtual world.
My first thought, "Hell no!" LOL! But soon after, another side of myself said, "There are probably thousands of people out there who are in the same position as I, and who could possibly benefit from what I have to share". Hell, Oprah is!
I'll try to make this short.
Last week I went to the Hubs and said, "I feel really stupid for saying this, really stupid, but, I think I have an addiction to food". And it wasn't the good kind of food, it was the crap food. I can't pass by a fast food chain without thinking, "I could sure go for a Whopper" or "McD's fries are heaven, and why not throw in a 2 cheeseburger meal while I'm at it".
Admitting this to my husband, was admitting it to myself. And when I finally got the words to come out of my mouth, I felt like a complete idiot. "Why am I letting food win?" It's just food afterall. It can't speak, it's not putting itself in my mouth, but yet, it has a hold of me.
When I was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis I thought, "this will be the thing that makes me change". And if a chronic debilitating disease can't change me, what can? Unfortunately, it didn't change me. Well, maybe there was a temporary change but it didn't last very long. I was really upset that here I am, living with this crappy disease that I believe can easily be changed by a better diet, and I couldn't do it. Fuck!
I even rented Food, Inc. Telling the Hubs that maybe this will jerk me into some sense of realization that what I'm putting in my body isn't doing me any good. We haven't watched it yet but something else has already clicked inside of me. Allowing me to accept who/how I am and somehow, showing myself how to change it. One day at a time.
I believe that no one else can make you do something, or help you get to a certain point, unless it's something YOU really want for yourself. If you really want something bad enough, and you're mentally prepared for the fight it's going to take to get there, you can achieve it. For me, I have entered that fight. My fight is to maintain a healthy lifestyle and not give in to the temptation of food. For others it may be alcohol, drugs, cigarettes, whatever. But I am finally, FINALLY, mentally able to understand where I'm at, and understand what I need to do to fix my situation. I'm ready for it, minus the patience part. LOL!
Last week I said to myself, "I will ONLY weigh myself once a week and only do this to track my progress and hopefully ignite motivation when I see clearly that my hardword and dedication is paying off". All last week, I cut my portions down, I trimmed the amount of carbs I was eating in the evening, and I exercised every day last week. 7 days, not 5. This morning (Tuesday) I weighed myself and I have dropped a little over 2lbs since last Monday. The drop was nice and it did make me think, "this is working", but the number didn't matter much. I feel great! And able. And my body, ooohhh baby, my body is going places. Ha! Ha!
It's only been a week and I'm far from where I want to be but I'm definitely moving in the right direction. My weak moments for crappy processed foods are dwindling but they are still there. Now I just think to myself, "eating that is going to give me temporary satisfaction with permenant after effects". Like a big ass, a sluggish heart, thunder thighs, and probably more MS symptoms.
Now, it's just not worth it. I'd rather eat food that I've prepared and know what's in it, then food that's been frozen, thawed, re-frozen, thawed again, and then slapped around by a bunch of weggie-pickin' teens. Unless it's Chick-fil-A. LOL! I love Chick-fil-A!! And I hear Chipotle is pretty great too, as far as the freshness of their food.
So there you have it! Some may read this and think, "That's me!" and others may read this and think, "What!?" but either way, it's out there. And by the way, it just pisses me off that my husband can eat all the red meat and crap in the world and have a physical done and be told that he is in excellent health. Men!