Saturday, March 27, 2010

Eight Long

I found a pair of 8's stashed in my closet. I'm not sure how long those pants have been at the bottom of a heaping pile of jeans I never wear. Nor do I know when I purchased the things. Probably sometime between baby number one and baby number two.

I hold them up, analyzing a bit. "What the hell, I'll give'm a go!"

I check the size again before stepping in. The words, "please, please, please" repeating in my head.

8L - 8 Long

I step in and would you believe it, they're a little BIG.

I Love You GAP!

Thanks for running your sizes a little larger to make us all feel better. You must do this because there is no way I am a little small for an 8.

But I'm happy anyway.

Thursday, March 25, 2010

Sayonara Numbness

A quick update ~

The numbness above my lip is gone. Yay! It was 24-7 for about two and a half days. When I called the neuro's office the other morning to tell her about it still being there, she transfered me to the appointment desk. I told them why I was calling and who I spoke to about it and that I needed to schedule an appointment with a Nurse Practitioner.

"April 8th is our first available appointment with a NP" she said.

"No thanks!" I said.

Really, what's the point!? Luckily, it went away and all my other symptoms seem to be tapering off too.


Now I have a cold. If I've said this before, I'm sorry. But, I think it's unfair that I should have to suffer through a cold too. I think those suffering from severe illness, disease, whatever, should be exempt from all other common illnesses. PERIOD!

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

I'm Back....

I called my neuro yesterday and spoke with Nurse Mary. She's cool, she always ask's "What do you like to do for fun?". The first two times she caught me off guard and I said boring things like reading and shopping. Next time I see her, I'll be ready! I'm thinking... sky diving and naked surfing.

Anyway, I called to tell them that I don't know the "rules" to follow when it comes to symptoms, flare-ups, whatever. Do I call? Do I not call? Do I wait until it's debilitating or extrememly painful or annoying to call?

She told me that they definitely want to know about these kinds of things (like the now 60 hours straight of numbess on my face), and if it's still there in the morning (this morning) then I would need to call back and come in.

I'm stalling.

Sunday, March 21, 2010

MS is Really Starting to Piss me Off

Today has been one of those day's, ya know! A day when everything else wins and your willpower, strength, and determination, is no match for the bullshit in your life.

I'm not here asking for a pity party, or even to say that my kick ass attitude is no more. It's just another one of those "I am Human" posts that after I've completed it I feel so much stronger. It's sort of like talking to a shrink. They listen, don't talk back much (other than the occasional question) and in the end, you feel like a thousand pounds have been lifted off your shoulder.

Thank you blog. For being so therapeutic for me.

Today, I have written in my MS Journal more than I have all year. Tons of new symptoms, weird ones. The reality hit me today. Until today I thought, "I'll just ride out the rest of my life with Mr. MS on my shoulder. He's not very bothersome, other than the occasional migraine and stabbing pains in my feet, I can handle him. He'll remain dormant for most of my life, only causing trouble here and there, and I can handle that."

Today I thought, "Fuck! Am I going to be one of those people? One of the MS'ers who's symptoms are actually visible to the public. Someone who can't manage on their own." Ugh! It sucks to be in a funk but it happens.

Hello funk! How are you?..... Really? Well, beat it!!!

I'll be calling my neuro tomorrow if I wake up for a second morning with numbness on my face. Nice right? That's a new one. The other day I also had a feeling on my right shoulder that felt like someone had shoved me. Then that shoulder went numb, only lasting a few minutes but still enough to notice and make note of. I've also had tingling on the bottoms of both feet, and a static feeling moving all over my thighs (front and back) and on my butt.

That's 4. FOUR! Four new things written in my journal between the 19th and now.

Ahhhhh....I am done venting. My honey brought home some chocolate and merlot which is not good for the body but it's going to do wonders for my mind and my soul. Thank you baby.

Friday, March 19, 2010

Happy Friday - Pictures Edition

Have a Great Weekend!

Friday, March 12, 2010

Have You Heard of It?

It's called Malignant Multiple Sclerosis.

I didn't know anything about it until a fellow MS'er, and someone who I like to call a friend, told me that this is her diagnosis. Malignant. Multiple. Sclerosis.

I had no idea that this form of MS existed. And I had no idea that a person with MS could hear the word's "Actively Dying". Can you believe that! Kelly, my friend, was told that she has one year to live and that she is actively dying. Now let's be real here for a minute. Aren't we all actively dying? I mean, from the day we're born, we're one minute closer to death. That's just how it is.

When I read these words, I was sickened. Why didn't I know this? Why didn't I know that this was a possible form of my disease. Although rare, it is still out there. Still a small chance, percentage, possibility, that she, could be me. But right now, it's not. It's her, and plain and simple, it fuckin' sucks! She is 31. She has 4 children and a loving husband and she has been told to pretty much make the most of it. I know her from the wonderful world-wide-web, never met, never spoke, but I feel an attachment to her. Maybe it's just a bond that many of us share with those who are suffering through some of the same quirks life brings our way.

I asked her permission to speak about her situation and those words, "Actively Dying". I can't get them out of my head. I wanted to let all of you know, that this disease can be deadly. As blunt as that sounds, it's the truth. Did you know? I don't know the facts of Malignant Multiple Sclerosis and I'm not going to pretend like I do.

I talked to my husband about it the other night...

"I want to talk about it on my blog. I can't believe I didn't know about this, why didn't I know? Did you know? (Of course he didn't know.) I want people to know about this. I want them to know that it's not just that people with MS will most likely live a more difficult life, but lucky for them, they'll still live. Unlike other diseases, but that's not necessarily true. Does that make sense? Anyway, I'm upset at the lack coverage there is for a cure for MS. Yes I am more concern now because I actually have it but can you blame me? I mean, how many people actually donate to a cause without knowing SOMEONE dealing with that particular cause. I can't name a person. That's neither here nor there but I want to post something just so people know. Hey! It's out there! Be aware! Am I making any sense?"

That's pretty much how the convo went, he didn't get a word in edge-wise. I have all my greatest thoughts at night. He was nodding off and I went on the rampage. Bitching about the lack of knowledge of what Multiple Sclerosis actually is and what it can actually turn out to be.

I HAVE IT - and I didn't even know. That speaks volumes.

Share what you know with others. Let's find a cure.

Malignant Multiple Sclerosis, also known as Marburg Variant Multiple Sclerosis, is a particularly aggressive form of the disease. Thankfully very rare, this highly aggressive form is defined by its swift and relentless decline to significant disability or even death, often within a few weeks or months after the onset of the initial attack.

Thursday, March 11, 2010


"We had a mishap with
the aircraft. I'm ok." - My Husband

"I don't think 'mishap' is an appropriate
descriptive word for anything involving a helicopter."
- Me

That is the text message I received (and sent) Wednesday afternoon. One that I have received twice before. I HATE text messages like that.

For those who don't know, my husband is a Pilot, a damn good one too! And incidents like this are just a part of his job. And sadly, they're a part of my thoughts almost daily. The reality of being a Military Wife - you discuss death, some more frequently than others.

The Hubs and I have openly talked about what I would do if he should pass. Just the other day I mentioned a cemetary that I thought was lovely (as odd as that sounds), and I asked him what he thought of it. He said, "Who cares where I'm buried, I'll be dead!" "But what do you think?", I said. "Good", he said.

"I don't care where you put me. You can put me in the garage if you want", he said.

"Maybe I can staple gun you to the wall in a scarecrow position", I said.

This is the kind of sick humor we have. We mesh well. But in all honesty, you'll go insane if every second of your life was consumed with your, or your spouses, possible death.

"I'll tell you about it when
I get home. 143!" - My Husband

"I love you too! Be careful." - Me

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

Faces of Multiple Sclerosis

Just a few of the beautiful faces living with MS

In honor of MS Awareness week, I thought I would put together this collage of a few of the wonderful people I have met who are living with MS. A few facts about Multiple Sclerosis...

1. There is NO cure. That's why we must raise awareness to find the cure and save future men, woman, and children from hearing the devastating words, "You have MS".

2. Multiple sclerosis is a chronic, unpredictable disease of the central nervous system (the brain, optic nerves, and spinal cord). It is thought to be an autoimmune disorder. This means the immune system incorrectly attacks the person's healthy tissue.

3. More than twice as many women as men have MS.

4. Approximately 400,000 Americans have MS, and every week about 200 people are diagnosed. World-wide, MS affects about 2.5 million people.

5. In rare cases MS is so malignantly progressive it is terminal, but most people with MS have a normal or near-normal life expectancy. Severe MS can shorten life.

6. MS is not contagious and is not directly inherited. Studies do indicate that genetic factors may make certain individuals susceptible to the disease.

I decided to do the collage for two reasons. One was of course because it is MS Awareness week but the second reason is a little deeper than that. When I was first diagnosed with MS, the first thought in my mind was, "I'm too young for this shit!" And I know that many people who are diagnosed everyday feel that same way.

I wanted these photo's to show you that Multiple Sclerosis is not biased, this disease happens to everyone. Young, old, short, tall, all ethnicities, all walks of life, everyone. There are no children in this collage but believe me, there are many who are faced with an MS diagnosis at a very young age. The youngest I heard of was only 8 years old. My son is 8.

So for our sake, and the sake of others, do us a favor and make a small donation to a worthy cause. I happen to know someone who's working on raising funds (wink, wink), and you can make a donation directly to the National MS Society on her behalf right HERE.

Sunday, March 7, 2010

I Want This Shirt

Funny Huh!?

It's MS Awareness Week. So, be kind and donate to my MS Walk. Pretty please!! - Please note that all donations go directly to the National MS Society.

Wednesday, March 3, 2010

She Is Me

I am SuperWoman.

No questions asked, with a day like today, my cape is blowing in the wind and I kicked fatigue in the ass.

Breakfast for the family. Son off to school with lunch. Completed a few orders from The Pitter Patter Boutique. Measured the area of the front yard for the Hubs. Snack for Bean. Taped off one wall in Master Bedroom to prepare for paint. Realized I forgot to buy caulk. Lunch for Bean. 30 minute Power Nap for Me. Lunch for Me. Bean wakes up, got Bean ready for the public eye. Got myself ready for the public eye. Started dinner (1 cut with the knife, 2 burns, but I'm all good). Went to the Post Office. Went to Lowe's, got my caulk. LOL! Went to Marie Callendar's, got BEAN cheesecake. (She was nice enough to share with Mommy) Picked 'D' up from school. Helped with Homework. Snack for Bean. Put caulk on wall over painter's tape. Worked on dinner. Finished dinner. Fed Kids. Fed myself. Painted edges of wall. Hubs got home, I took a break.

And here I am. Exhausted!

In that, I spared you the potty breaks every 30 minutes in order to keep Bean's big girl panties dry. The yelling at the dogs every 40 seconds to get them to be quiet. The whining, complaining, moaning and groaning from the 'Diva' herself. Three loads of laundry, washed and folded. And all the other junk us moms deal with on the daily.

Maybe I'm thinking too much of this day. I'm sure most people do these kinds of things everyday but for me, getting more than one or two things done around the house is a struggle. I don't know where all this energy is coming from but I like it!!!