Sunday, March 21, 2010

MS is Really Starting to Piss me Off

Today has been one of those day's, ya know! A day when everything else wins and your willpower, strength, and determination, is no match for the bullshit in your life.

I'm not here asking for a pity party, or even to say that my kick ass attitude is no more. It's just another one of those "I am Human" posts that after I've completed it I feel so much stronger. It's sort of like talking to a shrink. They listen, don't talk back much (other than the occasional question) and in the end, you feel like a thousand pounds have been lifted off your shoulder.

Thank you blog. For being so therapeutic for me.

Today, I have written in my MS Journal more than I have all year. Tons of new symptoms, weird ones. The reality hit me today. Until today I thought, "I'll just ride out the rest of my life with Mr. MS on my shoulder. He's not very bothersome, other than the occasional migraine and stabbing pains in my feet, I can handle him. He'll remain dormant for most of my life, only causing trouble here and there, and I can handle that."

Today I thought, "Fuck! Am I going to be one of those people? One of the MS'ers who's symptoms are actually visible to the public. Someone who can't manage on their own." Ugh! It sucks to be in a funk but it happens.

Hello funk! How are you?..... Really? Well, beat it!!!

I'll be calling my neuro tomorrow if I wake up for a second morning with numbness on my face. Nice right? That's a new one. The other day I also had a feeling on my right shoulder that felt like someone had shoved me. Then that shoulder went numb, only lasting a few minutes but still enough to notice and make note of. I've also had tingling on the bottoms of both feet, and a static feeling moving all over my thighs (front and back) and on my butt.

That's 4. FOUR! Four new things written in my journal between the 19th and now.

Ahhhhh....I am done venting. My honey brought home some chocolate and merlot which is not good for the body but it's going to do wonders for my mind and my soul. Thank you baby.


Hope Chella said...

That's so scary :( :( :(

Enjoy your honey's treats and keep being awesome xx

The Pitter Patter Boutique said...

Thank you Hope! I felt much better after dishing it all for the world to read. LOL! The Merlot and Chocolate didn't hurt either. And talking to the Hubs always makes me more at ease.

Julia said...

I am so sorry, I had one of those days last week and it was not fun. I hate thinking that this MS thing is my reality and you never get used to the 'new' symptoms.

I hope the funk was cleared with the chocolate, merlot and love.

Tracy said...

Well said Sarah. I feel like that alot and never think to vent by writing it all down. Even I feel better after reading your blog! Thank you (from another MSer)


Loobie said...

Hey Sarah,

You know I feel 'ya! I will tell you, it's been nice going almost a year with nothing know what I mean there! Sal's still taking patients.....I posted a new blog today as well.

I really wish you didn't have to deal with this. It sucks watching someone go through it. It's like resetting my clock back a few years with the tingling feet and ass thing! Good luck Sarah and stay strong.

Charity said...

I read your blog often and i really enjoy it. i wrote you awhile back about the copaxone and heart palpitations thing. has that gone away for you? it has (mostly) for me. weird.
BUT JUST THIS WEEK (after being symptom free for awhile) i started with the tingling in the feet thing. could that be ANY more annoying? damn. and i have always had the static thing on my thighs -- but thats when im moving around a lot (walking/cleaning a lot, being active, chasing my kids, etc) and my neuro said that is 1000% from my cervical spine lesion (c4-c5). it sometimes feels like i have seran wrap tightly wrapped around my thighs and they cant breathe, mixed in with the static thing.
hope you're feeling better today.
keep on blogging, you're so good with words.

The Pitter Patter Boutique said...

Hey Charity!

Thanks for reading and for the compliment. For me, the heart palpitations stopped as quickly as they started. I think I experienced it 3 or 4 times and that was it. I'm thinking that it may have just been anxiety or something.

I HATE the tingling in the feet. It's always at the bottom of my feet and it usually happens to me when I'm lying down or sitting. It likes to wake me up in the middle of the night too.

I've noticied my static thing in the past but it was never as noticable as it has been the last couple of days. A lot of people said that I overdid it but I just walked a couple of miles those days. Most days I workout for at least an hour and I don't experience that feeling then. I told them that my MS is confused.

I'm definitely better and if you ever wanna chat, you know where to find me. :) Are you on Facebook? If so, look me up. I'm Sarah Ellis (Sarah Cochran)