Friday, April 16, 2010

MS Moment

I had a moment last night, let's call it an MS moment. I grabbed my notepad that sits beside my bed and I started to write. Here's what I said.

"I'm not happy at the moment. It's 8:30pm on Thursday night and I'm sipping on a glass of wine and pondering my current predicament. I've just returned from a one hour pilates class and I feel beaten. What makes this feeling worse is that I've been exercising daily for the past 3 weeks, trying to get my body in TIP-TOP shape.

I thought I would kick ass in this class but it was quite the opposite. My legs felt weak and my lower back was burning. A feeling that can best be described as though it were like my muscles were beind ripped away from one another.

I know what people mean now when they say it feels like their legs weigh a thousand pounds. It feels like each one of my legs weighs one hundred pounds. No joke. Is it MS? Is it just fatigued legs from all the work I've been putting them through. I'm betting it's all the hard work but who knows.

Having this feeling has made me angry. I feel weak and incapable and it's pissing me off!

Tears. Tears. Tears.

And I'm done."

Last night I was really concerned that when I woke up, I wouldn't be able to walk. I definitely think I was over-reacting and being way too hard on myself. Of course, this morning when I got up, I walked just fine. I'm still extremely sore but I'm pretty positive now that this is because of all the working out I've been doing.

I was sad because I felt bad for those who have this pain and inability to walk for days, weeks, months, years, and maybe even for a lifetime due to MS. I seriously hope it never comes to that point for me. And I hope that a cure is soon to come for those who are much worse off than I.


Laurel said...

It's easy to blame stuff on ms when there could be another explanation. I'm glad you felt better the next day. Pilates is great!

Anonymous said...

You know, just last night, after a new and unusual pain/gross sensation crept up into my left arm out of nowhere, I said to my sister: "I wouldn't be surprised at all if my arm doesn't work when I get up tomorrow." Things you never thought you'd be saying! She promptly got freaked out. I told her that this kind of weird crap/wait and see nonsense is going to happen to me all the time. I was diagnosed with this stupidity in Sept 2009, so like yourself, I'm new to all of this. I always catch myself wondering: Is this (insert malady here) normal? Is that (insert weird sensation here) normal? Arrrrgggghhh!!!!! None of it is effing normal!!!!!! Sometimes I'm cool, calm, collected, strong, rational, and all that good stuff, and sometimes, I'm just plain old angry! You're not alone, Sarah!

Ella (mom) said...

I don't know the feelings that one who has MS experiences, but it sounds as if you do need to slow up a bit with all the workouts that you are doing. Take it slower and see how you feel. love ya!