I'm Gonna Have to Pass

I'm sitting in bed right now...

Hair up. PJ's on. Contacts out. Glasses on. Half a glass of wine down.

And I'm thinking.

I'm gonna have to pass on the modeling/acting opportunity I was given. For one reason and one reason alone, I just don't have the money. And even if I did, I don't think I'd be very happy to dish it out for what could possibly be a very disappointing weekend.

A few valid points were made when I asked for your advice. Like...

"Won't you always wonder what if?"

I will totally wonder "what if", but I think I can handle that. Instead of readying myself for an intense competition, I'm going to ready myself for life. Particulary, summer life. I can't wait for summer, this is going to be the first year I rock shorts and/or skirts and feel comfortable while doing it.

(And I know that sounds totally superficial but you have to understand me to get it. I wore shorts last year a few times because I was dying here in the desert. I was wondering almost every second if people were looking at me and talking about my legs. They're not exactly the most tone limbs in the world but they're not butt-ass ugly either. I miss my dancer legs (actual dancer not stripper dancer) and my toned volleyball legs. So to me, this is important. Eight years (almost nine now) of being uncomfortable in my own skin, it's time to correct it.)

My poor hubby. We've NEVER been on a date where I'm wearing a dress. Actually, we've never been anywhere where I'm wearing a dress. The last time I wore a dress (that showed more than the tops of my feet) was at our wedding. (It was a very casual event.)

I saw a trainer for the first time today. He kicked my ass! I texted the hubs after the 30 minute session and told him that I felt like I was going to die. In fact, I think I may have for a second or two. It was pure torture and all though I hated 25 out of 30 minutes of it, my body feels great!!!

I am so ready to be a HOT Mama! I'm finally ready, mentally and physically, to do what it takes to achieve it. Is it the MS? Is it the ego boost given by one dude who saw potential in me to possibly make it as a model? Is it the Hubs?

I think it's all of the above.

Thank you for your support. All of you. And I'm sorry this post is all over the place, we'll blame it on the wine.

I'm going to cuddle up next to the Hubs now and pretend to be interested in this movie.

Have a great weekend!

Sorry For the Delay

I got a callback.

And invited to walk the runway and show my skills to 40 of the top modeling, acting, and whatever else, agencies in the WORLD! Big names like...

FORD
IMG
Elite
MTV
Disney
The CW
Bravo
Wilhelmina

The sad part. It's gonna cost me. I have to pay $295.00 (deposit) by February 8th in order to reserve my spot. I don't have it. And I know the games BS agencies play when they make you pay in order to get paid but I do believe, this is different.

In April, the 40 agents will be flown in from all over the world to view the 'chosen ones'. It's a 2-day event and on day one we'll, LEARN, PRACTICE, AUDITION. On day two we'll, LIGHTS, CAMERA, ACTION.

All that's needed is 2 recent photos that do not have to be professional. But of course, I'm going to need a couple of cute outfits and maybe some new shoes. My hair color will need to be updated by then and I'll probably need a pedicure. LOL!

So why do I have to pay? Here's what the Head Dude say's,

"It is going to cost about a quater of a million dollars to fly in all the agents for this event. There is no other company that can offer you this much exposure at this cost. The fee is to cover the expenses we incur for this event. If you were to go out on your own and try to get face-to-face with these agents, you will end up spending ten-of-thousands of dollars."

Very true. It is highly unlikely that anyone would be able to travel the world and get their face in front of the top scouting agents from 40 different companies. Hmmm...

Everyone I've talked to about it, isn't diggin' the idea of dishing out dough for something like this. And there is no guarantee that I'll be called back and signed by one of the 40. So why do I still want to do it?

I have no freakin' idea.

Maybe to prove something. For the experience. To see, "can I really do it?"

When I was 16 I was accepted to something similar. However, it was in NY and I was living in Houston at the time. This one is in LA and I'll be able to drive to the event each day. I lost out on that one because I was a pain-in-the-ass teen. I ran away for 2 weeks to Kansas (long story) and my Mom rightfully yanked the trip away from me.

What do I do?

I Need A Boost

The Before. No makeup. PJ's. Hair - Undone.

A confidence boost that is.

For the last week, I've been debating about going to this model scouting thing. I'm far from runway material, with my baby-bearing hips, a pretty decent sized booty, and big boobs.

Simply put, I'm curvey. And I like it that way! (I think the Hubs does too :))

I know I'll walk in and see a bunch of young Pixi Sticks walking around and I'll be shunned for being a 8-10. I'm right in between the (modeling stats) "Perfect" body (thought of by someone who is surely a dumbass) which is a 4, and the Plus Size body, which is a 12+. (Insert sigh here)

I think I have a pretty cute face, which I've began to analyze the hell out of. One eye is closed more than the other. My eyebrows aren't symmetrical. (But let's be honest, who's are?) Cheek bones? What cheek bones? Teeth? Should've listened to my mom and worn my retainer.

Why am I putting myself through this? For the goal people! For the goal.

I will throw on my skinny jeans, 5'' heels, taking me from 5'9'' to 6'2'', and a cute top that is fitted but not too boob-a-licious. (I googled "What to wear to model/casting call")

To Do:

- Paint nails

- Find fitted top

- Eat light so I can fit in said Skinny Jeans

- Fix hair

- Fix Make-up (the natural way)

I'm fully expecting for this to be a complete waste of time. I've been to these before and TAH-DAH! I'm no model. LOL! But I am hoping for something good. I'll update tomorrow.