Having to pay attention to every single ailment can become extremely nerve racking. Maybe I don't need to pay attention so much. But, maybe I should.
I don't really know.
I find myself providing great support to others but I am still here trying to find my own way through it all. Still learning and trying to understand what I'm really supposed to do. How am I really supposed to feel? And how much attention given to the MS and the symptoms that accompany it, is too much?
All great questions that I think I'll have to learn the answers to on my own. I'll have to find my own way. A new way, a new normal.
For the last few days I've been noticing that my blurred vision has become more frequent and more disturbing. Lasting longer, being blurrier, and at times, pissing me off. I've also noticed that when fatigue sets in, it gets much worse. But then I calmly tell myself, "It will pass. Don't stress. It will pass."
And it does. But not as quickly as it use to.
So what do I do? I'm not use to this 'paying attention' thing. And when I tried to pay attention to every single ailment prior to my diagnosis, I drove myself insane. I had a notebook I walked around with and in some sense, that notebook was like my lifeline. Sort of like a terminally ill person who must walk around with their IV cart.
I didn't want to be tied down. I did it for a month or so to satisfy my neuro and after he was happy, I was done. I don't want to be that way now but I do see the importance of keeping track. I think. I mean, I need to know what's MS and what's not, right? I need to inform my neuro of new symptoms, exasperated ones, and whatever else. And he'll determine what's important information and what isn't. Right? I hope so.
So hear I am, with what I think is worsening symptoms. What does that mean? Am I in a relapse? I have no IDEA! I'm clear of one time (maybe two) that I was in a relapse. The time my vertigo lasted more than 24 hours and sent me to my GP who said, "You may have MS". And the second was a couple of months after that when for about 4 days straight I couldn't keep anything down and was also experiencing vertigo.
Some think I'm a little WACKO for paying such attention to my body and symptoms. I kind of just think I'm thorough. Either way, I think some symptoms are getting worse. So I'm just going to have to focus a little bit more on ignoring them, after I write them down for my neuro to look over.