I'm Fine

I'm Tired

Tired of reading about MS. Tired of looking over all the drugs that I can shoot myself up with to (hopefully) help slow the process of MS. Tired of wondering what my life will be like in 30 years. Or even in 5 years.

Tired.

Tired.

TIRED.

I was talking with my lovely husband last night. For him, I think it's hard to take it all in. He can handle most things but when it comes to his 'Sugarplum', he doesn't take things well. (Where's my blushing icon?)

We talked about me. We talked about MS. We talked about me, with MS. And that.....It's likely.

I told him he could RUN, and I wouldn't blame him.

But he didn't. Of course.

He's a wonderful man. Most of the time. ;)

He said even if they say, "Sarah, you have MS." he still wouldn't believe it. He'd accept it, but he wouldn't believe it. We're both a little, lost. Well, maybe 'lost' isn't the right word. We know where the hell we are, and we know all the shit that's going on, we just don't feel like it's really happening to us. It's not denial, it's not lost, maybe it's just disbelief.

I still have only cried twice. Go me! My referrals came in this morning so Monday I'll start scheduling my tests. I thought I only had one more MRI to do but I have two. One of the Cervical Spine and the other of the Thoracic Spine. Basically, from the base of my skull to the top of my ass. :) Then the VEP and the EEG.

These are tests I can handle on my own. The Hubs will HAVE to be present on D day, October 29th. At least if the diagnosis comes back with MS, I'll be able to binge on Halloween candy a few days later.

All and all, we're ok.

I remember my mom would always get on me for saying, "fine". She'd ask, "How are you?" and I'd always say, "I'm fine". And she'd say, "Fine! Fine! You're always fine!" These were in the days when talking to my mother wasn't at the top of my ''To-Do" list. Teenager.

Now.

I say a little bit more than just "fine".